JONAH AND THE WHALE. Many tears ago, at a certain posh restaurant on the Northern Beaches, a certain bloke had invited several Avalon "Clubbies" to his engagement party. The ‘intro' heading may give the reader a clue. Only blokes were invited, I was one of the select few, there is to be there only one ‘Lady', she was reputed to have this peculiar habit of removing her clothing. I mean right down to her "birthday suit". Quietly attractive and was lithe also. However, we were not to know this information until later. A splendid night of festivities and camaraderie was about to unfold. As I recollect, the "Posh" restaurant had been booked exclusively for the "Plumbers" party. We thoroughly enjoyed the splendid meal, friendship and many stretched stories. Now stretched will become an "operative" word, you will understand as the story unravels. Champagne, horses doovers, Zuuppa, Mains and desert. Cognac and wines flowed like water. And then the festivities commenced. The young lady enters the room. BUMPING AND FRUMPIN' Magically, strains of some exotic music fill the room, the lady seems at ease, although she seems to be rather hot, she begins to remove her clothing. Bugger me she is a "Stripper", and quite good at it. The assembled guests loudly display their appreciation and I can see they admire her copious talents. All proceeds to the wonderful climax and our arrteest proceeds to warm the laps of many guests. And then some moron goes the "grope" as it were, she, the lady smashes a glass on the table and threatens this idiot, the idiot left the premises, "escorted" by the management. THE ELEPHANT'S EAR. Our hostess will be calmed down and we proceed with the party. Now I am not quite sure how the subject arose, me? Mongrel  Kemp? Whatever, the subject of a certain attribute endowed upon one of our "members" is brought to the attention of our Host's friends? It goes like this; "Our mate has a very copious overhang on his under hang, with me? No? He has an abundance of flesh covering the Clans of his "Member", he can insert 21 pennies into the flesh", many words of disbelief flow from the mouths of the disbelievers. One doubting "Thomas" throws down a 10 pound note on the table, "bullshit, I'd like to see that". It was a dead heat, in a flash Mongrel Kemp and I produced a tenner each, he had to cover both. THE SHOWER RAIL. The Management were a little loath to allow this display of flesh, the girl was ok, but "could you proceed to the shower room please". This we did, the four 10 pound notes were hung over a shower curtain rail and several pennies were produced, the main competitor proceeds to lower his duds and the fleshy penny purse is displayed. There are many witnesses to what transpires, remember the record? 21 pennies. Our hero is in good form, 22 pennies are quickly dispatched into the "Elephants ear", the wagers are paid with much shaking of the "members head". Well this story will not end here, "I feel we can even beat that, lets go for a record", the main man exclaims. It is on record, (somewhere), but in no official record, like the Guiness Book, that 30 pennies disappeared into the copiously clad donger of our hero, the roar from the assembled patrons indicated great respect, we have a champion. The contents of the "Mudgee Mailbag" were dispatched to the floor, very verdigrised and also green. They will still be there to this day, nobody bothered to retrieve them. How do I know all this? Well I was there, and, half the pennies were mine.