IF YOU PROGRESSED PAST MY "HOMEPAGE" this little "snippet" will serve to be a warning. Everthing that follows will be of the same typical rambleings, and recollections. If this is not your "cup of tea", very sorry, but's that me.  BOTTLIN' PLONK. You the reader must understand that I am sometimes flippant and Aussie vernaclurised with my narrative, if it grates please accept and have some fun with me. It will be worthy of note that I spent many years in the Hospitality Industry, I trained and mentored many students in Food and Beverage. One of my many teaching accreditations was ‘Advanced Wine Making and Wine Appreciation', yep, I trained Wine Waiters. I used the "Learn from the Label" technique. TEN GALLONS EQUALS 66 ‘LEGLESS' BOTTLES. Several of my Surf Club mates had been bottling wine for a few months, I was invited to join their little tipple. Snap and Jan, Ross and Joy, John and Sandra? Then me. The procedure of the bottling process followed a set format, it took place on or about a monthly basis, we would purchase a 10 gallon container of not so bad wine and have a serious go at attempting to fill 66 bottles with that magic elixir. WE had no special preference, "red or white, she'll be right". Before I proceed let me tell of the "Farley wine principle" thus; PPPWP, (an acronym). Plank is prepared by using a timber plank. Plink is cheap Plonk, commonly described as; around the world on 2 bob, completely stuffed, so it follows; Plonk is cheap Wine, the embodiment of eons of experiments in wine making stuffed up. Wine is the embodiment of eons of experimentation not stuffed up. Plank is a board that they carry you out on. Did you know that PISSED is also an acronym? (P)leasure (I)s (S)equentially (S)equ(E)sted from getting piss(D)ed. THE AVALON WAY. A typical day commenced thus, IE; the PLAN. At the outset we had purchased the 10 gallon wine container, and depending on the type of wine to be bottled on the day we would: Have been to the Mona Vale Tip previous and asked the tip manager to "put aside" 66 bottles, either red or white wine bottles. The females of the opposite sex would be preparing a BBQ lunch. The men of the opposite sex will have retrieved the bottles and returned to give them a good clean, not the females you idiot, the bottles. WE have purchased cork seals, set up the corking plant, the corks will be soaking in the sink. The bottles are thoroughly cleansed with a solution of sodium meta-bi-sulphate and hot water. A long brush is used. We are now in a time frame, say mid morning and 3 beers each. And so just prior to lunch the process of bottling commences, a very large wine de-canter will be produced. This de-canter is glass, it holds (4) bottles of liquid. The de-canter's centre container will be packed with ice for white wine. The de-canters centre container will be packed with ice for red wine. It's a hot day, we are Australian, OK? I must describe this container in its entirety, it's a very special part of the wine bottling, perhaps not so wine bottling process. It's made of glass, it's bulbous with a very large neck. It has a large cork as a stopper; a glass compartment enters the container. This for ice. It is sealed by another large flat cork, it has a pouring lip. All up this wine decanter will contain (4) bottles of embrocation. It is unknown how many gallons of exquisite liquid this wonderful container has contained. Certain interesting facts will emanate from our incursion into wine making; the process will turn into a party. Why? Because it can. The social side effects drag into the late evening, why? Because it did. 66, 750ml bottles are contained in 10gal wine barrel. THE BEST WE BOTTLED WERE 46 BOTTLES. The worst / best we bottled were 30 bottles. Why? Can't remember. The evening would conclude with a BBQ WASHED DOWN BY. WINE, you been following this saga? The remaining sealed bottles will be divided by the now "legless" assembled wine patrons, it was labeled SNABEAR, got no idea what this means. As a footnote, I moved into a house in Avalon around the time of the ‘Sommelier' endorsed occasion, I had many valuable possessions. That night I was invited to have Tea with some friends, in my ‘fridge, were several bottles of our bottled wine. I arrived home to find heinous people had broken into my residence, all they took was the wine and 2 cut glasses, they were after quality, end of story.  And so we here; If social 'cringes' and doubts have arisen. Go no further. If you are a wine 'buff', desist If you are not a wine person, your shattered. If you are a wine person, your stuffed. Should you be curiosity driven, like a pissie story. WELL BUDDY READ ON

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